Can Someone Please Explain…

…why my boy feels the need to point out each and every “no-no” he sees.

…why he feels the need to then touch the “no-no” in order to emphasize that yes, in fact, he knows which item is off limits.

…why he gets upset when I tell him not to touch the “no-no,” even though he knows he shouldn’t be touching it.

…why, when I spank his hand or remove it from the “no-no,” he has the irresistible urge to touch it again.

Can Someone Please Explain…

…why we can put a man on the moon but we can’t seem to make a spray bottle for bathroom cleaner that actually works?

Because seriously, I’d really like to use all of the cleaner I paid for, not just 3/4 of it. And I’d like for it to actually spray out of the bottle instead of foam up and drip down the handle, getting everywhere except where I want it to be.

How many times have you tilted the bottle to try to get that last inch of cleaner out, trying to still aim in the general direction of the thing you wanted clean?

Apparently a working spray bottle is too far down on the list at NASA, and since they’re losing their funding it looks like we’re doomed to use drippy spray bottles forever.

I’m just sayin’.

Can Someone Please Explain...

...how you're supposed to "socially network" when your social networking site is down? For "a few hours"? For maintenance?

Between all their changing homepages, hiding my Flair, and making everything more complicated, you'd think they'd not have time to do their maintenance in the middle of the day.

I'm just sayin'.

Can Someone Please Explain...

Recently, we were gifted with one of those glorious door-hanger things from a nationwide company touting the best TV service/high speed internet known to man. And when I say "gifted," I mean some random person walked up to my door and stuck it on the knob in such a way that it promptly fell onto the front porch.

Because he/she was dedicated to the high quality placing of the door-hanger things.

Anyway, I brought it inside and intended to trash it immediately. But I got distracted with keeping my child from taking a flying leap from the seat of his wagon or something important like that and the high gloss orange, blue and white flyer was still lying on the kitchen counter when Husband came home.

Of course, he was attracted to the promise of high(er) speed internet and a zillion and a half TV channels and quickly went to the website to get more details.

And he promptly found out the services advertised on said flyer are not available in our area.

Genius, people. Real genius.

Can Someone Please Explain...

Can someone please explain to me what in a person causes them to have a desire to have the bass in their car stereo so stinking loud that I can hear it while laying in my bed with the TV on and they are not even on my street?

Every night about 10:30, Bass Boy comes home, leaves, or whatever. And he's sure the rest of the neighborhod can hear his music as he does so. But he doesn't just come and go. No, that would be too easy. He sits in his driveway with the thumping reverberating through the air for about 10 minutes.

I suppose he wants us to be able to listen to the rest of the song. Because he's nothing if not considerate.

I wish I knew where he lived so I could call the cops or something. But there's no way I'm going to stay up late to go find some idiot who is obviously deaf with questionable taste in music.

But if I did know where he lived, I would think nothing of toting my baby monitor over there and placing it outside his window. Then, when C happens to wake up at 3am due to the Teething Monster, the favor would be returned.

I think that's fair, don't you?

Can Someone Please Explain...

When we were in the hospital with C, we were furnished with a nice hospital crib. I mean nice.

We didn't use it. We tried, but it was a no-go. C wasn't having it. So he ended up sleeping with me in the "big" hospital bed.

There is one thing that caught my eye, though. I mean, I understand that these things have to deal with some hefty wear and tear. They have to be "institutional" becaue of their very nature. That's fine. I get that.

Here's the bed.
A very picture of awesomeness. Am I right?

And here's the label on the end of the bed.

Are you kidding me?

Can Someone Please Explain...

Why, when your baby is sleeping all night for the first time in about 10 days (thus you are too), the stinking smoke detector IN HIS ROOM feels the need to have a low battery at 5:12 IN THE MORNING.

Thus causing you to get out of bed in a stupor, stumble around the house in the dark until you figure out which blasted smoke detector is chirping, drag a kitchen chair across the house (because you're certainly not getting the ladder), and nearly rip the thing out of the ceiling in an attempt to remove the offender before it wakes the baby up.

Why can't things like that happen in the daytime?

Baby Questions:

Can someone please explain to me:

How does something go into one end of a baby as a liquid, and come out the other end with little chunks added to it?

How does a baby know the instant you are going to sit down and eat your dinner or that you have to pee so badly you will be the one needing to be changed if you don't go NOW?

How come you can rock and rock a baby that is fighting sleep, and the instant you lay them across your knees on their belly, they drift into dreamland. However, you feel like you will kill your kid if you allow them to sleep on their belly because that's what all the doctors tell you. So you sit and ponder if you should just stay where you are or try to put them down in their crib (on their back, of course). The main thing you're wondering is what's more important: that the kid sleeps, or that you are about to pee your pants?