And Now It’s Time For Logic, with Your Host, Caedmon

Caedmon is such a logical, detailed-thinking kid. It catches me by surprise more often than not. I don’t know why. I should be used to it by now. But I’m not.

The other night at Chick-fil-A’s Mother-Son Date Knight, I was asking him the “Would You Rather” questions they provided on our placemats.

I told him I was going to ask some fun, silly questions and he said he was ready. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: “Would you rather have super strength or the ability to fly?”

Caedmon: “But where would I fly? How would I fly? In a plane?”

Me: “No, you’d just be able to fly by yourself. Would you want to do that or be super strong?”

Caedmon: “But I’m already strong. See my muscles?” (He flexes and shows me his muscles and asks me to feel them, so I do.) “A person can’t fly by themselves anyway.”

Me: “It would be like a super hero. Fly or strong?”

Caedmon: “I am strong, and you can’t fly by yourself!”

I shook my head. And I should’ve just given up. But I thought maybe he’d figure this thing out, so I continued.

Me: “Would you rather be a spider for a week or an elephant for a year?”

Caedmon: “Do you mean like Spiderman?”

Me: “No, just a regular spider. Would you want to be a spider for a little time or an elephant for a long time?”

Caedmon: “Where would I live? We don’t like spiders in our house. And elephants live at the zoo.”

Me: “If you could still live with Momma and Daddy and we wouldn’t squash you or anything. Which one would you like to be?”

Caedmon: “Where do elephants live for real? I mean not at the zoo.”

Me: “In Africa or Asia. Would you want to be an elephant?”

Caedmon: “Where is Africa and Asia? Are they far far far far far away? How many days would it take to get there? Would we have to fly on an airplane?”

Me: (Sigh.) “Africa and Asia are across the ocean. It’d take a long, long time to get there, and yes, you’d probably have to go on an airplane. Did you decide? Would you want to be a spider or an elephant?”

Caedmon: “I don’t want to be either one. I’m a boy. I just want to be a boy.”

Ok. Second question was a bust. Too abstract, maybe. I’m a glutton for punishment, so I moved on to the third. Deep breath.

Me: “Would you rather give up candy or ice cream forever?

Caedmon: “What do you mean? Give it to who?”

Me: “I mean give it up. As in never eat it again.”

Caedmon: Starting to get frazzled, “But I LIKE candy and ice cream! I want to eat them both!”

Me: “I know. But if you could only have one of them ever, which would you want to have?”

Caedmon: “But why can’t I have both? Why do I have to give one up?”

Me: “Nevermind.”

Again, I explained that these were fun questions that we could pretend with. And they didn’t have to be real. We could just say what we thought would be fun. He said he understood. And because I’m an idiot, I asked him the fourth question.

Me: “Would you rather live on the moon or underwater in the ocean?”

Caedmon: “We can’t live on the moon. And we can’t breathe under water.”

Me: “I know. But let’s pretend that you could live one of those places. Where would you want to be? On the moon where you could see the earth and the stars, or under the water, where you could see fish and stuff?”

Caedmon: “But you have to live in a house. There’s no houses there.”

Me: (Wishing I could bang my head on the table.) “Pretend there’s a house there. You could live in a house. Moon or ocean?”

Caedmon: “None of those places! I want to live in a house. Just a regular house.”

Me: “Ok, you can live in a regular house.”

I didn’t even try the last question. I’d learned my lesson…finally. But maybe not, because I’m going to ask you.

Would you rather wear a clown nose or clown shoes to school/work?