Just A Few Things…

Dear Advertising Geniuses Who Make Commercials,

A doorbell sound? Really? Do you realize that your commercials cause every household pet in America to go berzerk every single time they hear it? They are unaware there is a difference between the real live doorbell and the one on TV. We can totally grasp the concept of someone answering the door without the doorbell sound. I believe companies want people to actually enjoy their commercials, not curse them as they are trying to convince the dog there’s no one at the door.

Dear Entertainment Companies Also Known As Crushers of Dreams,

I went to the bakery to order a cake for my son’s second birthday that’s just around the corner. I took a picture of his all-time favorite cartoon character, Curious George. I had grandiose ideas about the MOST PERFECT CAKE EVER for my “Cu Ge”-lovin’ little guy. And then my dreams were crushed. Crushed, I tell you. I was told the bakery cannot make a Curious George cake due to copyright infringement.

Seriously? You won’t allow some guy to use a tube of frosting to draw a fake monkey on a cake that will be consumed within minutes of anyone seeing it? I think that’s a bit absurd. And actually suing a local bakery because they put a character on a cake is a bit much. A sternly-worded letter, if you must. But a lawsuit? Give me a break.

But I’m not giving up on a monkey cake. No, my son will have his monkey and eat it too. It may have to be “Inquisitive Jorge,” but we will have it, just the same. Since he’s turning two, he won’t know the difference. But I do. And everyone else does now, too. So there. Go ahead and keep your copyrighted monkey. We’ve created our own. And don’t even try to use it or I’ll lawyer up and come visit.

Dear Cable Company,

I have been fighting tooth and nail to keep your services at my house. Husband always wants the new, bigger, better thing. I want the cheapest. And don’t really want to hassle with the switch. But your lame DVR issues are about to drive me into the arms of another television and internet provider.

I’ve had to watch the same 20-minute segment of a movie twice now because your sorry piece of junk keeps malfunctioning. And since your high-tech equipment can only record two shows at once (vs. 4 at once with the other guys), I am having to pick and choose the shows I watch. Oh, the humanity!

If you’d like to make up for it, a discounted rate would be accepted. And an internet upgrade would be considered. That $5 more a month I’ll have to pay to switch isn’t sounding all that bad right now.

That is all,
Superchikk