Thursday, March 09, 2006

Junk Mail

I remembered what I was going to blog about the other day when I had a brain fart and forgot. I knew I'd eventually remember it, and here it is.

I hate getting lots of junk mail. I mean in the real, actual mailbox. Think about how much money companies spend sending you stuff you don't want. I wish they'd give me the buck they spend by the time they print all that junk and mail it to my house. I could put the dollar to much better use rather than clogging up my trash can. And no, I don't recycle. I've already told you I'm a horrible person.

I've heard stories about people getting back at the junk mail senders. You know, sending the coupons to the credit card companies in their little prepaid envelopes and stuff. But that takes time and who wants to save junk mail to send back to other companies who sent you junk mail? But I found something the other day that completely blew me away. I was tempted to try it myself. This guy has begun an all-out war on junk mail. I could just link to his site, but I chose to rip off his pics and post them here so I could provide my own commentary.

First of all, I had no idea you could strap a "Postage Paid in the United States" return envelope to just about anything. I mean, I knew you could write a check on a mattress if you wanted, so how come I didn't know this? This guy gives you step-by-step instructions on how to cause so much havoc in the junk mailers' receiving office, they not only finally take you off their list, but they ban you from returning stuff to them. Sweet!

These are my own interpretations of his step-by-step instructions.

Step 1:Collect your postage paid envelope from the company whose junk mail you loathe the most.

Step 2: Find a big empty box...that can hold a bunch of junk. Not your favorite box, mind you, because they likely won't send it back. It should be of considerable size and sturdiness, however, because you're going to load it up.

Step 3: Since you'll be mailing your package via postage-paid envelope, the USPS states that you can attach a postage-paid envelope to any object or package (as long as it is legal) and weighs less than 72 pounds. So, take this opportunity to get rid of some of that stuff the garbage guys won't haul away. An old tire, for example.

Step 4: Load your junk into the box, making sure it fits properly and weighs no more than 72 pounds. C'mon - get, old shingles, that nasty old toy you've been trying to get your kid to get rid of. The list could go on and on.

Step 5: Tape your package up nice and pretty. If you've put stuff like rocks in there, be sure to seal the entire package so nothing falls out. Apparently the post office starts to get suspicious if random small items start falling out of a box with a postage-paid envelope attached. If they try to give you a hard time, remind them this is perfectly legal and you have the right to do so within USPS guidelines. Drop your package off at the post office and wave goodbye to up to 72 pounds of junk. Mark your calendar to laugh it up in a couple of days when the hated mail-spam-company receives your nice little package. Apparently, if you send them enough junk, they'll eventually take you off their mailing list. And you're doing the garbage guys a favor, plus giving someone else the hassle and expense of getting rid of trash you might not have been able to dump at the curb. Go ahead...I know you want to. Pin It


  1. I am going to do that someday


  2. Too funny! And how creative.
    Of course, you have to be careful "WHO'S" junk you put in the box. I bet I could get in trouble if I'm not careful "which" old tire I put into a box to mail off. You know, your dear old dad, places different value on old tires than I do!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I think this -- mail a brick to those direct mail people -- is what you're looking for.

  5. Anonymous12:06 AM

    Is it just me, or was this posted elsewhere on the internet? Those pictures look really familiar.