Tuesday, May 03, 2011



This past Thursday was to be Honor’s due date. She was three weeks old yesterday. It hardly seems like it’s “just” been three weeks since she arrived. It’s like she’s always been part of our family, just not in our arms.

We’ve been asked quite a few times about Honor’s name. I thought I’d do my best to answer in a way that makes sense.

Dictionary.com lists 24 definitions under “honor”. Obviously the meaning of our daughter’s name lies in there somewhere. But I’ve been trying to put into words what it means to us. Because the dictionary doesn’t quite cover it.

We dealt with fertility issues before Caedmon was born, and we honestly didn’t know if we would be able to have another baby. But we wanted to. Desperately. When Caedmon was an infant, I would hold him and cry…because I was so ecstatic to be his Mom but also because I knew I wanted another baby but didn’t know if it would ever happen. (And I was a teensy bit hormonal. Just a teensy bit.) I don’t want it to sound like I wasn’t happy with him, because I’d never been happier or more fulfilled than when I got to add “Mom” to my title. He’s made the last three and a half years of our lives more awesome than we could’ve imagined and we love him to pieces.

But our God is bigger than infertility issues. We were seeking His guidance during all of our journey, and I’m convinced that’s the only way we made it through. Sometimes it felt like He didn’t have much to say on the subject. Because as much as I would’ve like to have had a neon flashing sign or have the words from scripture jump up and run across the page in front of my eyes, that never happened. He did, however, continue to open doors and give us scripture to claim in His name, and brought along some mighty prayer warriors to walk beside us. We knew our family was not complete, and it was His job to make it that way, so He would provide a way.

And He did.

After I found out I was pregnant, I began thinking of names. Caedmon’s name has special meaning to us because of the history behind it and its actual meaning. I wanted a name for this baby that meant as much to us, especially considering the journey God had us on. I immediately found a boy’s name that I was in LOVE with. (No, not telling that one, either.) But Husband didn’t love it. And I didn’t love his boys’ names. It’s a good thing we had a girl, because we might’ve needed counseling to agree on a boy’s name.

Choosing a girl’s name was not as hard, though. (Her middle name was another story…for another time.) I wanted a name that described how much we love and appreciate this little girl. One that has a great stand-alone meaning and is so descriptive that it doesn’t really need explanation, but is beautiful in itself. I’d heard the name Honor somewhere before and knew it was right for us. Husband did, too.

We will formally dedicate her back to Him on Sunday, Mother’s Day. Because though He has given her to us, she’s not ours. She’s His. We just get to hang out with her…loving her, teaching her about Him, and (hopefully) raising her to be a godly young lady. We have the honor and blessing of being her parents.

Caedmon says to me several times a day, “Momma, I like this baby.” It melts my heart. Because you know what? I do too.

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  1. Well, well, well you do know how to make a girl cry. What a blessing and beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing. I understand and walk along a very similar journey as you have. Having our son was a journey in itself and knowing our family is not quite complete can bring stress to any given day. I am truly blessed with a wonderful husband and beautiful son. You talked about crying when you held your son and I remember those days so vividly (it hasn't even been two years). I too get my strength and hope that God will bless us with another child (in his time). Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's always comforting to hear that your struggles are familiar to others who have walked a similar path. I wish you and your family many many years of joy and happiness.

  2. This post brings tears to my eyes! I am so thankful we have such a big God-bigger than all this world's problems! I am also thankful that He loves to pour out His blessings on us! Such a beautiful story about such a little beauty!!!

  3. My husband and I are dealing with fertility issues right now. I can totally relate to what you are talking about...we desperately want God's guidance and direction, but sometimes He seems awfully quiet! He has been opening some doors for us to try some things and I'm hopeful that I will get to add "Mom" to my title soon. It's so great to see stories like yours...they give me hope!