Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Bizarro World

Husband and I took a few days of needed vacation this week. We enjoyed spending some time together. There are some experiences I feel the need to share with you. It was like being in Bizarro World. Just like on the Seinfeld episode, things were completely strange and out of the ordinary. Let me start at the beginning.

Husband and I went shopping at the new mall. After wandering through a couple of stores, we ended up in one particular store, having found the perfect place to shop for Christmas gifts. As we are standing in a narrow aisle examining two gifts trying to decide between them, two older ladies make their way to one end of our aisle. They were loudly discussing the item they'd decided on, and then convinced themselves that it wasn't quite what they'd wanted. In the process, they inched ever closer to our position, and began encroaching on our personal space. We were there first, and we were obviously checking out two items on the shelf. Husband had to turn and walk away - he couldn't take the encroachers. I, on the other hand, stood firm. I was there first, and if these two thought they could push me around, they had another thing coming. They kept pushing and pushing, and finally Husband motioned for me to move on over out of their way. So I moved and they finally left and we could go back to our shopping.

We decided to go to the movies. We figured that at 1 o'clock in the afternoon on a weekday the theatre woulnd't be packed out. So we arrived and sat down. We were the only ones there for a while, and were revelling in our great seats in a theatre all our own. Then one by one, we were joined by three other couples. No biggie, except that one of them insisted upon sitting just behind us and to the right, another sat just below us and to the left. Why can't people spread out? The entire theatre was available. At least give us a courtesy row in between or something.

Well, all was fine until the commercials start and these people had been there about 30 seconds. The older couple down and to the left were eating nachos. The wife was the noisiest nacho eater in the known universe. She wasn't just dipping her chips. She was scooping cheese, scooping cheese, moving the jalapenos around, scooping the cheese and scooping the cheese even more. And she was, in the process, scraping the bottom of the plastic container the entire time. Loud Nacho Lady would finally finish her chips and quiet down. However, the couple up and to the right were not the same. They were talkers. And boy, they were loud.

It started during the previews. Noisy Lady's friend, Noisy Guy came in with popocorn. He ran up the stairs. Ran. And so they sat and began eating their popcorn in the loudest way possible. And then they started talking. Noisy Lady was explaining to Noisy Guy the preview he'd just watched with his own eyes. The rest of us had seen it as well, and could deduce what the trailer was about on our own. But it didn't stop there. If it had, all would've been fine. Noisy Lady continued to talk and loudly eat her popcorn throughout the movie. So much so that after shushing and tossing the over-the-shoulder glare several times, we ended up switching seats in the middle of the movie. I've never had to do that before, especially in a theatre with eight people in it. We could still hear her eating her popcorn, even after moving several rows away.

Ok, so we went to Wal-Mart. We needed some hunting stuff, so we made our way back to Sporting Goods. Now, WalMart is not one of those places that is ever empty, but at certain times, you expect a smaller crowd. This was one of those times. However, once we got to Sporting Goods, it was almost like everyone in the store was there to purchase anything camoflage. It's the only time I've ever been in that area of the store when you could hardly move for the crowd. So we finally found what we needed and went to check out.

We made it to the check-out line, and had to wait in line at the Express Lane. The two ladies in front of us were very loud. There was a guy circling the three Express check-outs while noisily talking on his phone. He finally settled on a line, but continued to carry on a very loud conversation. Meanwhile, the loud ladies in front of us began discussing my glasses while I was standing right there. Now, I can understand someone saying, "I like your glasses. Where did you get them?" or "Your glasses are cute - Mom, check out those glasses." But was "Mom, turn around and look at that girl behind you. Her glasses are great. I should get some like that, don't you think?" All the while, I'm standing there in disbelief, not believing that this woman is talking about me while I'm right there, looking at her.

As we left, we encountered even more loud, noisy, and obnoxious people in the parking lot. Oh, and don't get me started on the drivers. I think that everyone who saw us coming up behind them slowed to a crawl on purpose, just to drive Husband mad. It was truly a Bizarro World.

It all stems from what I call "Universe Syndrome." Everone suffering from Universe Syndrome lives in their own universe, in which all things revolve around them. Because of that, they can be as pushy, loud, obnoxious, and slow as they like, thinking that it affects no one around them. But it does, people. It does. Pin It


  1. Anonymous11:18 AM

    you have to remeber. this IS northwest Arkansas, everyone drives like a grama. I swear it's like driving in a regional retirement home!


  2. Well, I thought the universe was loud and obnoxious. How come you think it is supposed to be quiet and orderly?
    Must be the OCD coming to the top!>!>!>