Thursday, August 12, 2010

It’s All A Big Conspiracy

So, Husband and I have this running joke that wherever he goes, the world is out to get him. For instance:

1. Every slow/crazy driver within a 20 mile radius is driving right in front of, behind or directly beside him at any given time. Not when I’m driving, mind you. Just when he’s behind the wheel. It’s like a secret “Bat signal” goes out to these idiot drivers and Husband has some sort of locator device on him. And he can never change lanes because the slow people drive just slow enough that he never has room to get over. Or turn. In fact, I don’t know how he ever gets anywhere.

2. If we stop at a stoplight, the person in front of or beside us will be smoking, thus we get it through the air conditioner. Have I told you that Husband has a nose like a pregnant woman? He totally does.

3. We can go into a restaurant that’s completely empty except for us. Two other people walk in and sit directly in front of, beside or behind us. Not two tables away. Right next to us, where we can be keenly aware that although they arrived and ordered after we did, they get their food before us. (It also happens in theaters, minus the food thing.)

4. When we walk into a store, the sales people gravitate toward Husband, somehow sensing that he doesn’t want to be bothered. He doesn’t care about the specials and sales and promotions and coupons for certain dates or bonus bucks. He just wants to hunt for his clothing item and leave. Preferably without having to try anything on.

The best part? All of those things happened to us within an hour and a half period of time the other night. Poor guy.

Anybody want to go to the movies with us on Friday night? You might pay to see the movie, but you’ll get priceless entertainment.

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