Monday, June 15, 2009

Get Ready, Because I’ve Been Savin’ Up

Dear Party People,

Yes, that was us that called the cops on you the other night. And the next time you decide to sit in your driveway with music thumping so loudly it rattles my windows, I’ll do it again.

Seriously? You have an entire house and back yard. You might try spending your time somewhere other than the driveway.

Oh, and the next time your buddy drives up and honks at 6:45 a.m. and wakes up my son to take you wherever it is that people go that early in the morning, I might just launch a brick at his car. So please ask him to never do that again for all our sake.

Dear Back Neighbors,

When you moved into NESN’s house last year, we thought our bad luck with crappy neighbors was over because you seemed, well, normal. And we’ve had a nice, complaint-free year until now. But I think it’s time to mow your back yard. All of it. Mowing just the chunk in the middle doesn’t count.

When the weeds get waist-high, it’s usually an indicator that the yard should be mowed – in its entirety. I have been holding off on calling the city, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. But if I see evidence of monstrous creatures living back there again, I’ll have no choice.

And your half-put-together trampoline you somehow managed to haul back there amid the jungle weeds a few weeks ago isn’t helping things either, m’kay?

Dear People Who Make Sunscreen,

Thanks for helping us out with our skin. I mean, if it weren’t for you, many of us would be wrinkly and riddled with sunspots and skin cancer. We would, however, be blissfully tan.

However, does it really have to stink? You’ve come a long way with sunscreen in the last few years, and most of it is quite tolerable smelling. But it still smells like sunscreen.

I don’t mind the smell so much when I’m actually wearing it. But after I’ve showered or given my kid a bath, or even washed the clothes we were wearing, I think the time to be smelling sunscreen is over. Gone. Little boys’ clean heads are supposed to smell like shampoo and baby wash, not icky sunscreen.

But if you could make a sunscreen that smells like a clean kid, you’d clean up. Literally.

Dear Newman,

I know the postal service was recently debating scaling back our mail delivery to just five days a week. And it seems that you have decided to take the initiative and go ahead with the plan regardless of what the rest of the USPS has decided to do. The problem is we don’t know which day it is we won’t be getting our mail, so if you could just pick a day, that would help. Thanks.

Dear Summer TV Schedule,

Oh, how I love thee. Let me count the ways! Reality TV reigns, the cable network series are back with a vengeance, and I get to check out some re-runs of shows I missed or were just so good I need to see again (hello, Big Bang Theory).

Sure, I miss my regular shows, but the special things you bring make it all worth while. And I certainly hope no one needs me three nights a week July – September, because, well, Big Brother 11. I think that’s saying enough right there.

My DVR may burn up this summer, but with the exorbitant price the cable company is charging me for its use, they can afford to replace it with a smile on their face.

Love to you all,


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  1. Well, let me give a big, hearty AMEN to all that!

  2. This post made my day. nuff said.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Hehehe excellent! You're so courteous even while venting... By the way, Neutragena sunscreen has LOT less of a distinctive smell then most sunscreens... plus, it has an added compound that makes the UVA protection last longer. It's good stuff, even if it is a bit pricier -- I usually just stock up when it's on sale or CVS has extrabucks specials for it.

    And no, I don't work for them. ;P I should totally get promoter fees or something though...

  5. We use Aveeno sunscreen, which also has the UVA/UVB protection. I can't use Neutrogena products (of any kind!) because they make me break out. Even my dermatologist was mystified by that! Aveeno is less offensive than others, but the smell just doesn't wash away easily, no matter what kind you use!

    And yes, I believe you SHOULD get something for your shameless promotion of their products! :)