Thursday, April 16, 2009

Repeat, Shuffle, Repeat

When I was a kid I think I remember my Mom saying something about feeling like a broken record. It's sometimes hard to recall all the stuff she said between the, "blah blah," and the, "yadda yadda."

Yes, broken record. Or scratched CD, whichever paradigm you belong in.

When I became a Mom, there were some things I expected to say a thousand times a day. You know, things like, "No" and, "Don't do that," and, "No".

But I find myself saying a lot of things that in the proper context make total sense. If, however, someone were to listen in on my one-sided conversations with C, they would probably think I was nuts.

Because I'm totally sane, ya'll.


Here are a few of my recent favorites:

  • "Don't put your fingers in the dog's mouth."
  • "You may not poke the dog in the eye."
  • “Thank you for sharing, but you may not share your food with Oz.”
  • "Don't stick your fingers down your throat. You'll gag yourself."
  • "That's what you get for sticking your fingers down your throat."
  • "Play with your own mouse and leave Daddy's alone." (Computer mouse. See what I mean?)
  • "You can flick the light switch when we're done putting your shoes on."
  • “Please flick the light switch with your hands, not your feet.”
  • "You may not flick the light switch 837 times."
  • "Please don't dance right now. I can't put your pants on."
  • "Come here and let me dry the dog's water off of you."
  • “Please don’t drink any more of the dog’s water.”
  • "You may help me feed the dog, but you may not eat his food."
  • "Take the dog's food out of your mouth."
  • "Please don't stick out your tongue when the dog is kissing you."
  • "Don't let the dog drink out of your sippy cup."
  • "You may not use toilet paper until you learn to use the potty."
  • "Use your toothbrush in your mouth, not the dog's."
  • "Thanks for blowing on the fireplace, but it’s still hot and you may not touch it."
  • "Please don't blow snot out of your nose until I get a tissue."
  • "Thanks for asking, but you may not take your pants off."

And by far my most favorite, stolen from Big Mama: “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.”

So what are your phrases? Let me hear them!

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  1. We do a lot of, "No! Don't blow your nose until you're holding the tissue." (Seems they can't wait.)

    Yesterday, I actually said, "Is that cat poop in his mouth?"

    And at least once a day... "Do NOT call for me until you have actually TRIED to wipe your bootie."

    You just wait....

  2. Angela, that's awesome. On both of those occasions, I wouldn't be able to say that out loud, lest someone in my house nearly lose his lunch. Ha!

  3. And what is UP with these kids trying to stick their fist down thier throat??? Porter made himself throw up last night by doing it! What is the deal? Surely we're not dealing with bulemia at 18 months, right???

  4. I don't know what the deal is with the sticking of the fingers down the throat, but I kind of think it's funny. It's like he's figured out he can make his body do something involuntary on purpose. Make sense? He hardly ever does it unless Husband is home, and I kind of think it's because he makes such a big deal about it.