Newman!

I'd begun to think that Newman had finally gotten his transfer to Hawaii. ("You moving to Hawaii is my dream too." - Jerry Seinfeld) The mail had been coming every single day for quite some time, and I couldn't imagine that he was responsible for such a feat. And then it happened.

I discovered that a very important piece of mail had never been delivered. Now, that's not a typical occurrence, but it has happened before. And while I realize it could've been chewed up by a machine in Timbuktu, it's more likely that it was delivered to one of my neighbors by mistake, which is what previously occurred. And then the mail started coming later and later in the day. I dismissed it, thinking that the busyness of the holiday season probably caused an abundance of mail to be delivered. But it's mid-January. The mail should be back to normal now, whatever that may be.

And then one day I came home to find my mail literally hanging out of the box. Husband had received a small package along with our mail, not very big, but obviously too big to fit into the mailbox. Unfortunately, Newman did not feel the same way and wedged the box into the mouth of the mail receptacle, with about 80% of it hanging out into the street. And it was delivered about four hours late. The next day was even worse. We didn't get any mail at all. It was what I like to call "junk mail day" - the day that the little free newspaper packed with flyers and coupons is delivered to everyone, whether they want it or not. We got nothing.

So the next day, I called the Post Office. When I told the lady we hadn't received our lovely unwanted boxholder mail (or any other mail) the day before, she was in disbelief. She said, "Are you sure it didn't just come late?" Um, duh. I think I would know if my mail came, even if it was late - especially since we checked it again at 8:30 that night. I assured her it never came, and notified her that a very important piece of mail had not been delivered recently. She didn't seem very happy, and looked up our route and carrier.

"Oh, I see what happened," she said. "Your regular carrier has been sick for a couple of days, and the sub we had called in sick yesterday too. So we had to get someone from here to run the route. I guess they just didn't get it all done." Hmm, I guess not. What happened to delivering the mail in sun, sleet, dark of night, and all that jazz? "He's back now, so it should be ok today, though. If you don't get any mail today, just call us back tomorrow." Um, ok. What service! Now I see where Newman gets it.

So I arrived home that evening to again find my mailbox crammed full, with stuff hanging out into the street. It was clearly two days' worth of mail, bundled in two separate bundles and shoved into the box. Now, I have the largest mailbox on the street due to our previous mailbox attack. I didn't see anyone else's mail hanging out of their box, just ours. How is it that we have that much more mail that everyone else on our street? I don't think we do, really. I think it was Newman's revenge.

Newman!