The Story of Going Lytely

“Go Lytely.” It sounds like Holly’s last name from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” But it is a far cry from Cat and Fred and cigarettes on a stick. It is quite possibly the most foul thing I have ever put into (and thus has come out of) my body. And it was ordered by a doctor. Fourth Doctor (FD), to be exact.

Ordered by FD, who prescribes this stuff daily, yet has never actually tasted Go Lytely for himself. I found this out as he was scolding me for not drinking the entire gallon of the salty stuff with the consistency of maple syrup. Give me a break. I drank the stuff until it was about to come back up. Don’t be telling me that I need to be drinking the same amount of Go Lytely as some 300 pound guy. And silly me, I had the gall to ask him if he’d ever tasted it. He blankly stared at me and responded in the negative. I continued in my not-appreciating-getting-fussed-at-mode and told him I didn’t think it was acceptable that he prescribed this crap all the time, fussed at people for not being able to complete it, and he’d never even tasted it.

So, when I went for a follow-up appointment, I told FD about the similar conversation I’d had with the guy who made me drink an insane amount of white, chalky, amazingly heavy barium. Surprisingly, FD told me he’d taken home a “dose” of Go Lytely and had plans to try it, although he didn’t see anything medically necessary with him taking it. I tried to explain to him that it didn’t have anything to do with medical necessity. It has everything to do with empathy. After he tries it and experiences the force of it, he can understand why someone may be unable to choke down the entire gallon of it. And when someone complains about it, he can say, “I know. I’ve taken it before. It sucks.” It’s about knowing what you’re making people do. And since that’s what he does for a living, it might be nice to have experienced it. I mean, it’s like a coach who keeps telling his players how to play ball, but has never actually been “in the game.” Who wants a coach like that?

Enjoy your Go Lytely, FD, enjoy.